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HOW TO BE WEIRD

11/2/2017

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 HOW TO BE WEIRD


“As far back as Ancient Greece, both Plato and Aristotle made comments about the peculiar behavior of poets and playwrights. Aristotle was the first to note the relation between creativity and depression, an association that has also been suggested by modern research.”

Shelley Carson, Scientific American, Spring 2017


    I am a multi dimensional spirit playing at being human. I believe that we all are.

    It seems though, to many of us as young people, that others know exactly who they are. It seems like people have chosen who to be and/or just show up that way with mysterious ease.

    I've been on a quest to see if all people feel like they have a plethora of people, voices, ways of being inside of them.  Or do some people just have one clear, simple voice and therefore no effort or choice around how to show up each day?

   I tend to think that this perceived need to 'choose' one way of being stems from worldly conditioning.  Now, I know I may have an exceptional number of voices in my head. But intuition tells me, as do many people, that most have more voices in their heads than they let be expressed. All things that arise just want to be acknowledged. Some do arise as a result of poisons in our environment.  These things we can choose to notice and not act out about, or find the proper venues to.  That can take practice.

As I have been writing this blog, I found an article in Scientific American from which I drew the quotes above and below.  The primary point of confirmation that i got from that article is that creative people actually have less “filtering” so we can literally be bombarded by voices, ideas, feelings, thoughts, impressions which can cause one to withdraw or go manic and act out.  They can drive us crazy or be the rich well of material that we source our unique creative expressions from.  These things can seem weird to others who have more filtering.

  “Drsyam Sariram” is a Tantrik Yoga phrase that means “consciousness is an actor”. The idea is that Consciousness/ Divine has contracted to become each one of us - to see all that it can be, so it is natural that each one of us, as consciousness itself, would have the impulse to also investigate all that we can be.

    A healthful bodymind requires observation, knowledge and expression of all aspects of ourselves.  As Jesus said, "If you bring forth what is within you, what you have will save you. If you do not bring forth that within you, what you do not will kill you."  (Thomas, 70)

    My goal in life is to give people permission to be all that they are or might want to be, to provide containers for these expressions. It has taken me a long time to give myself this permission and likely I still have more to discover, since I am still alive!

    It seems that I have cultivated a fairly good balance between "weird" and normal. I teach yoga to nice, “normal” people in therapeutic settings, at corporations and to the creative at wild crazy parties. I'm asked by my daughters teen friends, “how did you get here?”

  How did I go from the identity struggle, showing up borderline schizophrenic, from being traumatized, drug addicted, suicidal, manic depressive outcast to being successful and confident on so many levels?  It's such a great question and opportunity for me to reflect, hence this writing.   I often think I should just say "do yoga!, do what I do, just do it!”.   Yoga is ultimately about integrating and connecting all parts of yourself, all aspects of life.  It has been a major support on my path.  It could be said so easily, but indeed there has been a dedicated practice upon a rocky path to my current rewarding life.
    So here is what a few of the steps along that path looked like;

Noticing the Bumps - things to be wary of;

-believing the labels - whether they be from the doctor, parents or peers - you are more than any label could describe - do not believe the labels.  The infinite universe created you.

- The repelling armor of "cool"

- The repulsive armor of "too cool"

- The trap of 'undifferentiated difference' or identifying with obscure trends.  It may be different than the mainstream but this is not the unique you, this is subculture.

- Identification with subculture

- Judgement by or of those identified with subculture

- Professional rejection, or fear of, due to your out of the box choices

- Fiery spirit of rebellion. This may help you to break out of a mold, but might also be a wild swing away from your center, which is where your truth is.

- Playing the game, not playing the game. It's all about timing and quantity, most all of us have to play ‘the game’ (ie; roles) at some point,  just don't take the game for reality.

- Thinking that you are different than everyone.  We all have the same basic needs, meet there.

Steps- Things to DO to get thru to your power place;

- Cultivate a fiery spirit of rebellion with a wise sense of discernment. Keep the balance.

- Have a physical daily practice.  Notice what energy or emotions arise each day without personally identifying with them.  You are not your emotions.  Let them move through.  Emotion = energy in motion, or energy that wants to be in motion!
 
- Take risks. Go to an event wearing something that makes you happy no matter what you’re "supposed" to wear there, stay happy in it.  

- Travel, go to new places, hang out with new people, go to the aquarium.  See the truly beautiful weird of nature.  Weird is good.

- Think of your uniqueness and creativity as your secret weapons.

- Learn to talk to your brain.  I like to say, "that's nice brain", when it is saying things that once would have sent me into a downward spiral thinking how awful or awkward I am.  

- I have come to know that my thoughts are not "me", they are not true, i did not make them up, and I do not have to believe or react to them. In other words, as one of my fine spiritual teachers says, “do not let your mind make you its bitch".  Or as I will now say, “your mind is a tool, do not be its tool”.

- A teaching of the Yoga Tantras is that thought is another sense.  So, just as we might receive any sensation,  I encourage you to begin to receive thought in this way.  Just as we might think, "oh I am cold" we do not actually believe that we are cold, and think, “oh my god, what is wrong with me!?”  We know that we just 'feel' cold and it will pass.  Next time you have a thought that might make you feel like, “OMG, what is wrong with me!?”, try to remember that it is just a thought.  It too will pass if we don't make up stories or act out about it.

- I believe it is the identification with, as well as the repression of thoughts and feelings, that make us feel weird about who we are - or who we think we are.  When we feel weird about who we are, then others do too.  When you show up outside of the "norm" and someone, including you, catches you expressing yourself in a way that "most" people don't, if you hold on to feeling weird about that, it ripples out…  Others will feel weird about that too.  If you can go with, "wow, I just said / did that", and own it as a momentary, naturally arising thought / action, and not a big old 'weirdo' sign on your forehead, then others will let it go too. It may even spark the most
interesting conversation that you have ever had. It may even give someone that you are talking to permission to express themselves honestly and spontaneously rather than editing or withholding based on their conditioned ideas around the things that one is "supposed" to say/act like, or not.

- "supposed to be's" are killers.

 Yes, to some extent we need some 'supposed to be’s’.  These are societal agreements that can move us forward more directly than the meandering that creative mind tends towards.  But there is only one agreement that we truly need.  I whittle it down to the simplest, (thanks to the Wiccan tradition), "harm none".

If what I am feeling to express will harm none (at least intentionally), then we are all good.  Let the honest flow of being be...

    Also, of course some editing is good if you want people to talk with you. If you just say everything that is in your head, then there is likely not going to be space for anyone else to speak. Take pause to savor, listen, and question, "does this (what i might be impelled to say) serve life?, does this serve the dialogue?  Is this the right time/ place for this?”

    If we are not considering other people in how we show up, then it may be that we could practice pause.  Have compassion and listen to how others are feeling.  Remember that we all have things to express, all of the time.  Obviously, we cannot all do that.  Maturity is knowing when to courageously express, when to allow space for others to do so, and when silence needs to happen.  This is a practice.

   Silence can be very uncomfortable for the insecure.  When allowed, though, silence can be the greatest nourishment to the security of oneself or the situation at hand.  Silence is time for the sinking in, for assimilation, processing, reflection.  These practices are crucial to our becoming integrated beings.

    I encourage you to aim for being integrated.  Breathe deeply, allow the pause. Take space from your thoughts.  Invite your deep breaths to embrace all that you are, all that arises.

Let the exhale release doubt, fear, and tension that is not serving your highest self. Inhale spacious, vibrant possibility.  Allow yourself to just be.  At your core, at your essence, you are whole, perfect, and beautiful no matter what has or hasn't happened to you.  All of the rest is just the dance of life as it moves through this experience you know as "I/ me".  You get to
choose what to do with it.

“Genius can share certain potentially negative traits with mental illness, but when these traits are combined with specific positive attributes, the result is creativity rather than psychopathology.”  Scientific American, Spring 2017

   Let yourself be as you are naturally inspired to be.  Love the divine gift that you are. The universe created you, and countless other awesome things that you get to celebrate life with!

   Big love and thanks to all beings who have withstood awkward feelings and criticism and thereby given us all permission to be more creative and expressive! Cultural rebels spur evolution! You make the world a better place.

  Keep on breathing through the awkwardness of being perceived as weird and find yourself stronger and an inspiration to the world!  

Big love and thanks to Pablo for asking me how i seem to be so comfortable with being a weirdo and further inspiring this reflection and blog.  Thanks for being such a brilliant weirdo, i really look forward to seeing how you grow with it! :)


“Creative individuals tend to score higher on scales of schizotypal personality than less creative individuals...study participants who score high in a measure of creative achievement in the arts are more likely to endorse magical thinking - such as belief in telepathic communication, dreams
that portend the future, and memories of past lives. These participants are also more likely to attest to unusual perceptual experiences, such as having frequent deja vu and hearing voices whispering in the wind”
  Scientific American, Spring 2017

How to get more creative? That's another article in the works, and actually a class that I teach, rich with yogic and mindfulness based practices as well as theatre games, play and insightful rest!

 
 Contact me for more information or sign up for my newsletter at www.lucidyoga.com

JOIN US in Maui 2/12-2/18/2018 to go deep into flow states @ our retreat "Exstasis in Paradise" - yoga (all aspects), music, nature, community, & more...
https://www.wetravel.com/trips/exstasis-in-paradise-retreat-to-maui-lucid-dawn-maui-county-28186823

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Lusting Life

3/14/2016

7 Comments

 
Picture
I grabbed this jaguar photo and its provocative saying from LL because it speaks a profound truth about "YOU". Life is here living as you in order to thrive, and as I say so often to "Celebrate Life!" What you call "you" is an aspect of life, consciousness expressing itself.

We get conditioned early on about what that means; who we are, are supposed to be, how we are supposed to feel or not. Things happen to us, things that may not align with the the world view we have been conditioned to believe, i.e.; "families are supposed to be happy and loving, you are supposed to be some perfect expression of child, no one is supposed to touch you or talk to you that way and if they have then something is wrong with you or there is something to be ashamed of... ". So many thoughts and happenings that can push ones true expression into hiding.
At some point life will call us to do the work of unwinding these stories. Too often though, this happens for people at the end of life, in the middle of crisis or life threatening illness. I suggest we all look a little sooner at the fact that we are all going to die eventually, and that right now life is trying to live through us in the form of this embodiment. When it gets stuck it tends to hurt emotionally, physically, or both.
What if we just regulArly processed our stuff!.?
What if we daily recognized ourselves as energy bodies as well as physical forms and intentionally moved energy through all parts in order to stay vibrant!?
What if we noticed life wanting to live fully through us and opened to its flow and chose where for it to go?

I have experienced and seen over and over again how when we have a desire to experience or express somethings and it's not easily accessible to us for whatever reason then we tend to do other things to soothe that desire. For example; Desire for love or sex turns into need for cookies or ice cream, need to express hurt turns into road rage, pent up emotions leads to drinking and drugging.

It has become clear to me that addiction is just lust for life acting out, desire to live fully but fear of opening up has those feelings coming out sideways and imbibing in things that actually stifle life's flow.

Nona really wants to help the world heal this. She is the current character that best expresses repressed aspects of the One expressing itself as Lucid. We encourage you to find your own divine expression, super hero nature, cartoon character, etc... That expresses that which you may be desiring or fearing to express. The universe is at play ! Now you how will you play with yourself? Ha! Loaded question, yes. Join us in celebration of life and let's bend this thing we call reality into the art that the artist you are wishes to see!
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NONA FENDER BIO

10/30/2015

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​Nona Fender bio

Nona Fender's divine spiritual lineage is Kali, Wonder Woman, Gene and Richard Simmons. 

She has arisen at this time to help bring back the Dark Goddess. Nona exudes raw wild love 

without the cultural restrain of holding back the truth in order to protect anyone's feelings. The 

truth will be revealed even if it chops your head off. She is unabashedly ready to play, pray and 

flip the script on your day.

Nonas mantra is "drsyam sariram, ...srim, srim, srim, rawr" which means "consciousness is an 

actor/ all that we see is consciousness...beauty, grace, power, rawr".

Her seed sound is "MU" which means "joy", amongst other great things.

Nonas mudra is the triple diamond heart mudra which she made up herself and which speaks 

for itself. It is rooted in the 'I love you' mudra and evolved from natural magnetic forces.

Nona is a witch, a bender of reality. She invites all beings to fully embrace and express the 

Magick and mystery of the cosmos that we are.

Nonas colors are red for blood, fires of renewal and vibrant sexuality, black for the mysteries of 

the night, death and rebirth, gold for the power of the light that is revealed when we embrace the 

darkness.

Her qualities are being able to face struggle, confusion, nature, & humanity as a whole, without 

fear or resistance. She will lead one wildly, playfully into the transmutation of pain into power 

and fear into freedom. Nona Fender gives permission to express the fullness of being and to 

love out loud.

Her yogas are cathartic and rockstar assana, theatrical play, nada/sound vibration, and 

pranayama drama.

Her day of the week is Saturn day. She will usually be found in celebration at parties, festivals, 

and gatherings of people on the street, including at protests where she will be having a ball in 

support of the evolution of unity consciousness.

Nona will most always be seen with her life partner, EEnor Mus Mezmer, also known as Chrome 

Fender. He is a sonic space magician and complements her fire with a cool fluid ease. They 

are often accompanied by a drum and bass retinue.

Nonas cohorts are called "Benders", those who transform reality with the powers of creativity, 

community, sound and movement.
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blah blah blog.. all the voices in my head

5/16/2015

1 Comment

 
NONA starts blogging (is that an olympic  sport?)

  blah blah blah, more soon :)

Aha!  Soon has arrived!  What the heck all is going on here!?  WHO IS Nona Fender?  Well to be honest with myself and you.. I wonder that often.  HA!  Create a NEW personality and have a whole new series of personality crises!  Yes, when i was in my 20’s i heard all these voices in my head and wondered which one i should choose!?  One day though after much tearing of hair and tearing of eyes i woke up and realized i am ALL THAT.. yes, it was the mid-90’s in the lower east side art world, we all talked like drag queens.. But for real.. i realized i am every woman - and then i began to sing with as much feeling as Whitney Houston on a good day!  Decades later, (wow, really!? time does fly when you’re having fun!), soaked in Yoga, expanded and contracted into the awesomeness and ouchiness of life a million times.. im still feelin it.  I am a million different people and so are you.  So Nona Fender is whoever i feel like daring to be on any given day, but no matter what accents, influences or styles arise, i commit to her bold, audacious, permission giving, fierce loving essence.  We are one great big blob of consciousness morphing in and out of form.. Well, if the universe can do that and i am but a microcosm... Yup, then i get to PLAY with being what i have chosen not to be, what i am too shy to be, what my mama told me not to be, what the tyrant in me would be, what the mad woman might be, what the lover of life IS.  I create and hold space for all of us to be free as we might dream we could be.  Practice makes perfect.  I understand yoga to be a practice of unification and discovery, of uniting all aspects of self...  Well, good then this too IS yoga, this crazy merging of healing arts, spiritual activism, theater and musical play.  Welcome into the expansion, kids!  Feel free to decorate your bawdy temple with anything that you are feeling, put your panties on the outside, your heart on your sleeve and lets rock this world into bright, fully accepting, righteous remembrance of the universal YES! that we all are.. together.  YOU ARE AWESOME!!!  Act like it.  LOVE BIG.
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our why, our worldview

5/16/2015

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We are love activists.  We are real people who know that we get to choose how we show up each day.  We choose to remember to play and to invite the world in to this play.  
In a Benders observation and experience, sickness and suffering of all sorts are first and last about denying, rejecting, ignoring, shaming, or being afraid of any aspect of ourselves or this life.  Fullness of being includes seeing, accepting,  laughing, crying, singing, & dancing in the fires of a sexy celebration of all of creation! 
    The idea that we are separate from each other or this earth -  this is the cause of suffering and sickness.  It's perpetuated with story, justification, distraction, social masks & defensiveness.  Benders reveal truth by playing with consciously chosen masks, using our voices, and bodies to express what is feared, denied or hidden.   By way of vibration and movement, a Bender finds liberation.  Radical self expression brings radical response-ability, which brings us fully to life!  
    Our days in this incarnation are numbered, the clock is ticking...  Be a Bender, welcome yourself - to ALL inclusive living!
Do it now.  Before you die...
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    NONA FENDER

    there is a special voice that only i can write it.  Its awakening uncensored...

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